November 19, 2012 - packet 2 discussion

It is very confusing that I am going completely out of order!!  Oh well.  So packet two was actually a productive packet, aside from my dream dilemma.  I was still working out how to write the dream narration, but I did start a chapter where Emma goes inside Karley's house.  There was "nice pacing" according to Reiko as Emma started toward the house.  And I actually did an okay job of describing the house.  I did get stuck once Emma opened a box she found...but I picked back up in the next packet, and it was fine.  Reiko asked some questions that helped me place myself in the reader's mind (again...) so that was helpful.  All together, I wrote 14 pages of fiction for this packet.  I am going to write a post with all my critical work also...but I will do that later.  Here is a peek from this packet:

Luckily, the houses adjacent to Karley's were separated by enough space that it was unlikely anyone would notice here, even if they happen to glance outside.  Even so, she sprinted from the edge of the woods until she reached the far side of the house.  Then she waited, watching and listening for any signs that she'd been spotted.  Her heavy breathing - either from the sprinting or from her fraying nerves, she wasn't sure - competed only wiht the song of crickets in the far distance.

November 15, 2012 - notes on Packet 3

For some reason, my flashdrive does not have my creative work from packet two, so I will have to come back to that one later!  So, during this packet, I took a little break from my long critical paper because packet two was consumed with it.  Instead, I focused on my three annotations and my creative work (although this was my worst creative packet this semster!)  I completed three annotations - and it was a lot of reading!  I read The Likeness, The Gathering, and Amnesia.  Overall, I loved all three books.  It was ironic, though, because I had purchased The Gathering a few years ago, but I only read two chapters then and didn't like it.  This time, given that I HAD to read it, I started liking it the further I read.  Amnesia was cool...but I hated that it ended without any real resolution.  During this packet, all three books (not planned!) were set in Ireland.  So...I started using words like "arse" and "bugger" all the time!  Anyway, my creative packet was tough.  It had some good plot, but I had too much "authorial" nature to it...I explained too much instead of just letting it happen.  I tried a flashback...and got WAY too detailed, so I need to cut a lot of that.  But, here is a peek:

She turned the corner of the house and half-walked, half-ran to the woods.  The ground seemed to tilt beneath her feet as she stepped through the brush.  Dizziness swept through her, and she worried that she might actually pass out right there among the tree roots and crawling insects. 

            Flashes of dream penetrated her waking world like shadows of hallucinations.  She saw Karley’s closet again, the colored t-shirts taking shape before her so that she felt she could reach out and pull one from its hanger. 

            Her beacon of light spliced through the darkness.  The opening was near; she started sprinting, not caring if branches scratched her face or the forearm she used as a shield.

October 29, 2012

Wow...two nights in a row!  So, as promised, I will write tonight's blog about my first packet of this semester.  I was fairly excited about it because I decided to go back to the beginning of the novel and fill in the first few chapters.  I started with an article that was written about a missing girl.  I felt this intrigue the reader and already give some foreshadowing.  Reiko (my advisor) really liked it...so that was good.  I wrote my annotations on Rebecca (the minor character's importance), Affinity (auhor's use of senses), and Beloved (empathic character).  Reiko approved all three...and gave me some great compliments.  She said she was impressed with my annotation on Rebecca, and that my annotation on Affinity was "almost perfect."  I was really happy, considering that many students struggle to pass her annotation inspection in the first packet with her :)  For my creative work, she started her comments to me by saying, "This is very smooth and immediately engaging work, Tara."  That made me so happy!  I hope she felt the same about the ones that followed!  One suggestion she made was that she would like to get a better feel for where we are - suburb, middle of nowhere, etc.  So I do need to go back and fill in some details to help with that.  Next, she suggested that I strike a balance between what I tell the reader and what I hold back.  She said, "Tease us with some answers while you are raising more questions."  So I need to work on that, too.  The last part of our dialogue weighed heavily on the dream portion...because I was still working out how to structure that.  I was still deciding if I wanted it in first or third person...if I wanted present or past tense...etc.  So that was rocky in the first packet.  I wrote the dream, but I felt that it didn't work at all.  And she agreed...so packet two took a different direction there.  The last part of the letter discussed the long critical paper...and oh boy was that a challenge!  At the time, I was still working out what my topic should be.  I won't even go into that...or you will go as insane as I did!  So...here is a portion from packet one:

She had not realized, but it must have rained while she unpacked;  she could see the lingering moisture on the leaves as it glistened.  The overgrown thick branches and twigs that protruded from either side of the disappearing path scratched her bare legs as she waded through them.  The silence inside the green dome was almost eerie, and she felt like an intruder slicing through it.

            When she stepped out from the woods, Emma was in the backyard of a large, grey shingled house with white shutters.  The grass and weeds stood high, tickling her knees, and the length of it did not shorten as she approached the house.  She gazed up and saw that a window that was likely the eyepiece to the attic was broken.  Shards of glass decorated its frame, and Emma realized that the beautiful house must be abandoned, which was odd since it nestled in an area thick with houses.  The house seemed almost a macabre snapshot in the middle of a Monet sky.

           

Sunday, Oct 28, 2012

Well...I guess I sort of fell off the wagon this semester!  Don't worry...I still did all my packet work; I just kept forgetting (AND did not have time) to write in my blog.  I will write a series that backtrack so I get in at least one blog for each of the four packets I have already turned it.  But, for this one, I will just say how much I love my advisor this semester.  Her name is Reiko Rizzuto, and she is awesome!!!  She writes nonfiction and fiction.  She is so thorough and helpful with all her feedback.  Instead of picking apart a sentence, as my last advisor often did, she looks at the whole picture/story that I am weaving.  Her feedback is that from a reader's perspective, so I have a great idea of how a reader sees what I am presenting.  Furthermore, she does an awesome job of exlaining her reasoning of why something does or does not work.  So, not only do I know it isn't working...but I understand why.  If my writing succeeds, I owe it to her!  Okay...so I won't go on and on (although I could) about her. One more thing that I want to mention in this blog is how overwhelming this semester has been.  In order to pay my bills, I am teaching classes at both Stark State and The University of Akron.  I am teaching a total of 5 classes, so I feel a little crazy right now.  It is way too much!  I think I will have to cut back next semester if I want to keep my sanity.  Well, I will at least leave you with a small peek of my novel.  This will be from my last packet, but I will still post some from previous packets.

She rushed to the bathroom and turned on the faucet after slamming the vodka bottle on the sink counter.  She used the fingernail from her right pointer finger to dig the dirt from each nail, meticulously scraping under them one by one.  It was thick, as she imagined.  Almost completely black, like dirt from deep inside the earth, fresh and moist.  She had only finished three fingers when she moved to the toilet, lifted the lid, and vomited.  Then she went back to the sink, washed down the remnant of vomit with more vodka, and finished cleaning the rest of the nails while she watched the dirt mix with water and muddy before disappearing into the drain.

June 22, 2012

After a nice hiatus, I am back in motion.  This week, I am at Goddard again for an exciting and inspiring residency.  I am surrounded by writers, talking with writers, writing with writers.  It is such a blessing to be here.  I am proud to say that I am reading some of my fiction at two different "student readings" and moderatoring both of them (well, I am fairly verbose!)  I am so excited to share my writing with other writers.  What an amazing feeling!  So...it won't be long and I will be back to my yellow writing tablets...and posting excerpts on the blog.  Stay tuned, my faithful followers!

Tara

May 8, 2012

Wow...I just finished my final packet for this semester.  I feel so elated right now!  I am exhausted though, since it is almost 2 AM.  So, here is a piece of action:

And I know him.  He won’t leave me.  He’ll stay, no matter how miserable my misery makes him.  He will tie himself to me.  Maybe he will even use the filament that spiders make.  He will wrap it around us, over and over, so that we can never be torn apart.  But then he will drown with me.  When my tears fill the room I have locked us in, he will drown trying to save me.  I need to save him first.

May 5, 2012

So, this is my last packet.  It is due Monday, and, of course, I am behind!  For some reason, it has become harder to write the critical essays and easier to write the fiction, which is odd because it was the opposite at the beginning of the semester.  I guess I am more into my fiction now, and I get distracted by the critical writing.  I will say, however, that I did read three pretty good books for this packet.  My favorite was Her Fearful Symmetry.  It was long, but kept my interested enough to read it in two days.  So, I have a lot more fiction to write for this final packet, but here is one piece from it:

She was telling him about a disagreement she’d had with a coworker that morning, and she was talking so fast that the words were coming out of her mouth jumbled and twisted.  It was as though he were playing Boggle, and just when he thought he was putting the letters together to make words, Clare would shake the plastic box and mix them all up again.

April 29, 2012

I am, of course, very behind in this packet.  I ended up, not on purpose, leaving the longest books to read for this packet.  So, my fiction is just sort of floating around in my head for the most part right now.  But I did just write two chapters, which really only amounts for four pages.  My advisor said he like how my chapters are more like vignettes.  They are just small fragments of someone's thoughts or a view of a scene.  Sometimes the scene continues to the next chapter but is being told from a different character's point of view.  I think I like it this way.  Anyways, I will give a small excerpt from each chapter.

Here is the first:

She placed her hand on the box in her drawer and curled her aging fingers around it.  It was like a miniature coffin, the buried remains of the living.  She opened it and pulled out the folded cloth.  While unraveling the cloth, Jean was unraveling the past, and at the center was the delicate artifact, an object that held love and pain and regret.  And, of course, secrets.

Here is the next:

I crawl onto my bed, not bothering to cover myself with the blanket, even though I am cold.  I close my eyes and wait for my mother.

            She will come for me.  She has probably been waiting all these years.  She will hold me and

 soothe me.  Or maybe she will take my skull and crush it.  She will use pewter and decimate it into

dust because she is the only one who knows the relief it will bring

April 23, 2012

Okay, first, I have the new format that google did with their blogger accounts.  WHY does everyone always have to change everything?  They think they are making it better, but they are really just pissing everyone off!  Anyways,  I really thought this last packet was a bust overall, but apparently, my advisor thought otherwise!  He said it was my best packet so far, and that I have had a really successful semester!  So, I thought I would share one of his favorite parts from the packet:

When she handed him the paper, her fingers lingered on it even after he started to take it from her.  He was suddenly very aware of this piece of paper that connected her body to his, this thin, tangible material that held them together just for one brief moment. 

April 18

This packet was difficult. I did not feel inspired. Too many personal issues got in the way...and near the due date was when my cat got loose, got into a fight with the neighbor, police came, Laney cried, softball practice didn't go well, and I had to due online tutoring. Bad day. Bad timing. So, I just hope I got some good stuff out of this packet...but I don't expect too much to be salvaged. Here is one piece:

She had pasted a smile on her face. They knew it was fake, the residue of the paste showing at the corners of her lips. It scared them to be so close to her emotional death, so they didn’t come back. And she didn’t care.

And here is another one...since I did not keep up with the blog as I was writing:


He would never presume the opportunity to cross the instructor-student boundary, so he never dared talk to her, but he always stared. And then he took the image home with him. It felt
like an intrusion. A snapshot stolen from someone else’s photo album. A painting taken from someone else’s wall. But, he took the image anyway. And now the image was flesh, right in front of him, within reach. He imagined touching it. He imagined that it felt soft.

April 5, 2012

I received the feedback from my last packet...WHOO-HOO! The feedback was very positive! My advisor said things like, "lovely," a scene was "terrifically drawn," there are "moments of quiet beauty," and "this is imaginative writing." WOW...finally something to go on here. Hope I can keep it up! So, I had not written much over the past week because I was working on my reading and critical writing, but last night I literally climbed out of bed because the words were pouring out of me. I wrote a chapter where Emma has another dream about Karley. Here is a small glimpse:

I wonder how long he will wait before he gives in. Before his hands abandon the safety of exposed skin and explore the secret crevices of my innocence. Before he peels away the layer of cloak that covers my virginity. I wonder how long I will wait for him to stop waiting.

March 25, 2012

I just sent my third packet off to my advisor. I feel great about this work, for the most part. I feel that there is beauty in my writing that did not appear in the first two packets. I feel inspired. I really do. Writing...it is so beautiful. Thank you, Lord, for giving us words to create beauty. Here is a piece from my latest chapter:


A new wound opened, and Emma felt a stab of fresh pain. She let it wash over her, almost grateful for pain that didn’t have the same reason attached to it. New pain meant new thoughts,
new obsessions. Less room for old ones.

March 20, 2012

Well, I have no idea how all these chapter will ultimately fit together, but they just keep flowing out of me, so I just keep writing them!!! It is weird...I have always heard authors talk about their characters as if they were real people that they had loved. I am actually getting a sense of that. Some characters are still undeveloped, but the ones that are developing are coming to life for me, and I am seeing them as actual people. Writing today's chapter, I actually felt empathy for the character, as though he was actually a person actually dealing with this tragic situation. Neat! Here is a piece of it:

He was suddenly aware of how large and strong his hands were. And he thought, regretfully,
of how they had not been strong enough to hold on to his wife. He thought of how this monstrous illness had hands more powerful than his, and he had to hold back the surge of fury that rose up in him.

March 18, 2012

I have been able to write these middle sections of the novel much easier than the beginning chapters. I guess it is because I know the ending, and I know the main events that need to take place. I just am having a hard time introducing the characters and knowing how much to disclose. In any case, here is a section from the latest chapter:


Sometimes Beth could not follow any of Karley’s one-sided conversations, and other conversations seemed to be in slow motion, when Karley seemed incapable of upholding much of
a conversation at all. At those times, Karley’s personality was flat, and Beth would wait for the spike of the flatline, the way doctors watch the monitor for signs of activity, for life to
spark again and the line to regain normalcy.

March 17, 2012

Today, I finished reading The Shack. I know that I risk offending some people, but I did not care for the book at all. The idea of it was great, but I did not think it was well-written. It was cheesy at times, and it did not keep my interest. So, I actually had to go back and read bits and pieces of The Lovely Bones before I felt I could get into my writing zone. I wrote a chapter in which Emma dreams of Karley during Karley's first depressive episode. I do not feel great about this chapter, but I actually think that the muted tone works since she is supposed to be depressed. We'll see. I do feel confused, however, as to which chapter to write next. My advisor suggested skipping to the meat of the novel and writing some chapters that really are at the heart of the plot. I wrote of Emma's accident and now of Karley's depression...but I am not sure what to write next since it is out of order. Hmmmm...well, here is a splice:


I think of my mother. My dead mother. If she were here, would she know how to help me? But she isn’t here. Her bones lay in a decaying wooden box. Suddenly, I am in the coffin with her. My bones, with their defined density, are rotting like hers. And the lid of the coffin is sealed, closing me inside this tiny space of darkness. It is where I belong, with my mother’s bones,
and my own tears, the only wetness in the dry, stale air.

March 14, 2012

I finished The Lovely Bones, but I know I will return to it for inspiration when I am not getting enough "soul" in my writing. I wrote only a little tonight, but it felt inspired. There is not much dialogue in the part I wrote, and I feel that I can write the with depth much more easily. Soul is not spoken as much as it is felt, so I have a feeling that much of the book will be narrated rather than packed with dialogue. Here is a section from tonight's writing (which is still from Emma's past):


When Emma woke, she heard before she saw. She heard hushed voices and rhythmic beeping sounds. She smelled an antiseptic stench and felt stiff sheets covering her body. Her eyelids fluttered several times before having the strength to remain open. Then she felt what her eyes discerned: the bulge in her stomach was gone. She turned her head and vomited.

March 14, 2012

I have been re-reading The Lovely Bones. It has been almost ten years since I last read it, and it is amazingly written! I had an epiphany while reading it: I need to put the soul back into my writing. I have been so focused on the plot, the character's dialogue, etc...that I have left out the SOUL. So I am skipping ahead to the thick of the book so I can get into the depth of the plot. Then I will go back and fill in the earlier sections. Here is the end of the latest chapter (which happens in the past...two years earlier than the setting of the book):


Her world went dark. No sound. No light. No feeling. She tried to open her eyes, but they were weighed down by something larger than she was. Instead, her mind found a red cloud. And it rained down blood all around her.

March 14, 2012

I did not blog when I finished my packet because I was exhausted! But here is the part that my advisor liked best:


He closed his office door behind him and settled into his chair. He rolled it forward and rested his elbows on the messy desk. He dropped his head into his hands and stared at the department newsletter that littered the top of the pile of papers. “Welcome Back!” was printed in large letters
across the top of the front page. Yeah, that pretty much fit. Welcome back to the past. To that night. To the inescapable nightmare. He didn’t even fight it; he just let it take him. He knew it would anyway.

March 3, 2012

Wow, I was in a writing frenzy today! I feel great! As my advisor suggested, I focused on NOT overwriting. So, when I wrote a word that felt "wrong" such as got (I always told me student NOT to use that word), I left it there. I didn't try to replace it with a fancy word. Just tell the story, Tara...tell the story. Here is a small section of tonight's writing:


She had used rich colors – purples, blues, and the red. Red, the most important. The sea
blue swirls spiraled inward toward an emptiness that darkened in the center. The brush strokes were visible, deliberate. She could still remember how her hand had cramped as she held the brush tightly, circling again and again. Then there was the shades of red that outlined the indefinite shape in the upper right corner, the epitome of her world – where it began and where it ended. Beth traced the red outline with her finger, as she had done a thousand times.

March 3, 2012

Writing yesterday flowed! Whoo-hoo! I don't know if it is any good, but I am supposed to "trust the process." I rewrote the scene where Jean shows Emma her rental space. According to my trusty advisor, the scene did not make sense as originally written...it was too vague. I was trying to drop some foreshadowing in the scene, but I guess I was too evasive so I was the only one who understood it! UGH. Anyway...here is an excerpt:

At first glance, the girl standing there had a striking resemblance to someone she once knew. But it took only a few seconds to notice the distinct differences and to remember the obvious impossibility of it being the same person.

March 1, 2012

I have actually been writing on my yellow legal pads; I just have not had the time to put type it up or post it. After I read As I Lay Here Dying, I read The Sun Also Rises. Both being classics, I was sort of in that "mode" when BAM! Out of nowhere comes this totally horrible book, In the Cut. Wow...talk about vulgar, sexually explicit, and downright disgusting!!!! Don't read it! So, now I am back to my writing. My packet is due this coming Monday...so I am looking forward to hearing what my advisor has to say this time. Here is a short excerpt from this today's writing:

Karley walked to the counter to order, and Keith watched her fluid movements – the way she crossed one foot over the other and balanced it on her toes, the way she tilted her head slightly to the right when she spoke to the employee, the way she clutched her small purse and held it in the crevice between her body and the counter.

February 23, 2012

I know! It has been a while since I have worked on my fiction. I sent in my first packet over a week ago and received feedback just a day or two later. My advisor is a man of passion. He either really loves something or really hates it...and he has no qualms about expressing either! I had both strengths and weaknesses in my writing that he pointed out...and I needed to step away from it to get some perspective...to come at it with a fresh mind, one not battered by its critique. So, I have been working on my reading and critical writing for the last week. I read Faulkner's As I Lay Dying wrote that critical paper. Now I am half way through Hemingway's The Sun Also Rises. But, tonight, I DID work on a chapter that I plan to insert into my novel. It is a chapter that goes back in time to when Karley and Keith first meet (and begin to date). I feel really good about it, actually. I am getting a sense of what my advisor wants and how my writing should take form. I hope I am right. It is difficult to choose my "favorite" part, as I am trying not to overwrite. But, I will leave you with this:


“Maybe you didn’t see these white lines painted here to indicate the boundaries of your parking
space.” She gestured to the line that his tires were violating.

“I guess my starvation had me delirious, and I misjudged.” That made her smile.

February 9, 2012

Yea! I have completed the required amount of fiction for my first packet. So far, the reader gets parts of the story from Emma, Jean, Beth, and Keith. There is also one chapter from Beth's point of view that is from the past. I am really enjoying how it feels to see events from various characters, as opposed to just Emma (as originally planned). I hope that the reader is intrigued at this point in regard to what happened in Emma's past...and who is involved in Karley's disappearance. I also hope that the clues pique the reader's interest but are not too overbearing. Here is my favorite part from today's writing:

The rest of his mind meandered through the past,as a twig glides down a rushing river.

February 7, 2012

I have completed 16 of my 20 page requirement to send in my packet. I am so anxious to find out what my advisor has to say about my writing. So many changes have occurred in terms of my craft, so it will be interesting to get his feedback. Today, I worked on revision a bit. I also decided that I wish I could write as fast as my mind thinks. I have so many scenes in my head, but writing them out takes time. Here is my favorite part from today's writing/revising:


Jean turned from Emma, but it wasn’t until she had closed the door behind her and commenced her descent down the stairs that she relinquished her façade of composure. Tears spilled from her eyes as her dam of resistance crumbled.

February 2, 2012

Lately, I have been scouring over the novels I am reading to gather as much as I can on other author's techniques. One I have employed is telling the story through different characters. I was not sure if I would like this, but I have actually found it much easier to navigate through the story. Each chapter gives a fresh perspective, so I do not feel like I am having to sustain a certain character for too long. I never intended to write from the mind of Jean, the woman who Emma rents from (and also Beth's aunt). She will not have too many chapters, actually. But I decided to give her first appearance in the novel to her own mind. I like it; I think it works. It gives the reader some indication that she, too, has a past filled with secrets. Here is my favorite line from my writing today:

Unlocking the heavy door, Jean hesitantly stepped inside, preparing herself for the black memory, the one that promises its return to her, like the tide’s promise to the sand.

January 24, 2012

Today was difficult, but productive (I think!) I am juggling so many things. I am finishing up my five-page critical paper, taking notes to begin writing my three page critical paper, mentally deciding on my topic for my second book's three page paper, and writing some of my own fiction. It is all inside my head and trying to expel all at once!!! Tonight's work on my book is a chapter from a different character other than Emma. It is Beth's recount of an incident that happened in the past. Here is my favorite part, which happens to end the chapter:


Karley’s eyes were darting around, like a wild animal, paranoid of its hunter’s approach. The face was Karley. The voice was Karley. But the eyes – they were barbaric. Spasmodic. Empty. They were void of any part of Karley recognizable to Beth.
They were the eyes of a stranger.

January 23, 2012

It has been a few days since I have had the chance, and the inclination, to write. Instead, I have completed two novels and their respective critical papers, and I must admit that I have already learned a lot. The first novel, So Much Pretty, showed me possibilities of working with various points of view and various characters and narrators, which I plan to do. The second book was a memoir...however I cannot disclose its topic without giving too much of my own plot away! In any case, I have been able to write a little today, though I am not happy with it and will certainly be revising. Here is a section that I like...mostly because of its truth, rather than its eloquence.


It reminds Emma that even if a heart heals (and it eventually does) there are pieces missing. It forever holds chasms – empty holes beneath the surface. She knew that she would
feel that way someday. Healed, but with chasms of utter emptiness.

January 16, 2012

When I spent a week at Goddard, I was fully aware of this feeling of transcending my life here in Hartville, Ohio. I was living in this alter-universe...which essencially was the "real world." I realized that I have lived 35 years in a shell of sorts, adhering to all the "rules" that I felt were placed upon me, though they were invisible rules: get good grades, go to college, work full time, get married, have a child, be a good mother, be a good friend, pay my bills...and so on. But until this past week, I had never really stepped outside of my own element to see what was out there...out there, being outside my bubble of reality. Wow. What an eye-opening and amazing experience. I believe this is having a real effect on my writing. Writing, as they taught us, should be authentic. Well, duh...but yet until now I do not know that I could have written anything authentic unless I was writing a novel about a straight-laced girl who did everything expected of her. Now, however, I am writing as the person I started to become last week. A person I am learning about, and coming into more and more each day. So my writing is more authentic, I think. This means that if someone says a word I would consider inappropriate, I have to sit back and decide if it is authentic, not if I would approve. My example is below, my favorite line for today (well, it more like a few lines...) Enjoy...


Disease- that is what the doctors called it. A disease, not a choice. Though she knew
that most people considered that false. Like a lie that its victims conspired to avoid personal
responsibility. Fuck them, she thought. Who would ever choose this?

January 15, 2012

Last night, I began my novel...again. This time, I incorporated advice from my worthy G1 friends and wrote on a notebook instead of typing on Microsoft Word. It was very freeing. I felt less inclination to change, delete, rearrange, etc. I just wrote, and wrote, and wrote.

So, this blog will follow my life as a writer: its up and downs, its difficulties, its adventures, its spiritual awakening. Each time I write, I will record my reflection...and I will also copy and paste my favorite line that I wrote during that writing experience. I hope you find this journey of mine to be filled with excitement and humor, with inspiration and anticipation. And I also hope that the lines I leave you intrigue you enough so that you want to read my novel WHEN (not if) I finish it!

My favorite line today is the first line of the novel:

Emma didn't intend to die that day...